Could it rain already?

Now that school has started, on my opinion it could rain until next April. But no. The sun is happily shining and it's hot as hell day after day. Right now when the vacation ended, after it had been raining and freezing all summer. I don't want this summer weather now, I want it to be autumn and cold and wet and dark.
I wrote the poem below some years ago, now I just modified it a little to be more suitable for this post.

The Rain Against My Window

I hear the water falling down,

crushing on the glass

Invisible drops on invisible wall,

rushing down, towards the ground

There's no sound more peaceful, more consolable,

than the rain against my window

I don't need to cry,

for the sky cries for me

Tears down my window,

and the sound,

no need to be found

No need for heat, or hope, or comforting words,

no need for trust, or music, no flame to burn

I'll be safe, I'll be home,

as long as it rains against my window

I just kissed a frog

It was the third frog I've kissed (so that I've counted), and no prince has still appeared. What is wrong with this world?

Things to Do

Some time ago I was browsing other people's bucket lists online and decided to list what I had already done during my life that were most commonly found from those lists. Here's few of them:
-Been an extra in a (short) film
-Taken a tattoo
-Seen the Northern Lights
-Been on a husky-sled ride
-Been in the audience on a TV-show
-Learned foreign languages (Spanish, Swedish, English)
-Been on a cruise (several times)
-Been in the front line of a huge concert (Cheek stadium concert)
-Gone to school after staying up all night
-Kissed random people
-Become a vegetarian
-Been in a "haunted" house
I don't have a bucket list for life, but I have a list of what to do before my next birthday. It includes mostly all kinds of small stuff like bake American apple pie, drink coke from a glass bottle and learn to do a split. I have already eaten Ben & Jerry's ice cream and Oreos (yes, I hadn't tasted those before this year). And I'm not far from doing a split. I also want to peel and eat a lemon the way oranges are usually eaten and learn to stand on my hands. I can already stand on my head. There are few things on my non-written bucket list for life that I will most certainly do some day. For example, a bungee jump and skydiving.

About To do- lists. For years now I've been trying to do the same most people are doing: go to gym. I'm a member of a gym. I go there occasionally. Rarely. I just hate going to the gym. I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to exercise with other people around. When I work out, I wanna work out alone. I don't know why. I really, really don't know. I've always hated school gym classes. I like sports, I like running. I just hate doing it in a group. Well, I don't like groups in any situations. Except when they're all my friends. I also don't know why I'm trying to force myself to go to the gym. Why can't I just eat chocolate and be happy?
I just added a new goal on my Things to do Before 19- list: learn to draw a rose. Here's my first attempts. I'll get better, I hope...

Just to tell how I feel about school

I tried and failed to describe it with decent language, so I made a poem of it.

The Ecstasy of Excruciation

Just walked through the rain,

had to get away

But on and on the circle flows,

with no break the exhaustion follows

I stare at the mirror,

it’ll get easier tomorrow

When the dusk darkens to night,

when the dawn breaks to daylight

I’m high in that ecstasy,

feel the excruciation shatter me

Morning after morning I open my eyes,

just to face another fight

I’m not meant to do this,

I will never be ready for it

Absurd is my reality,

trying to defeat gravity

It’s like breathing asphyxiation,

getting high from excruciation

Living in that ecstasy,

where this weariness is keeping me

Summer Summed Up

I count August as autumn because that's when school starts, so for me summer is over. Sad, but there are some pros in autumn. First of all, it will rain a lot. Although so it has pretty much all summer... Besides rain, the sooner school starts, the sooner it will be over (this will be my last year in high school). And shopping will be a lot more fun during autumn, because then there are so much more clothes that even I like in the stores. And shoes. I hate summer shoes. This far there has not been invented beautiful summer shoes. And right now I can't come up with more pros.

What have I accomplished during this summer? Nothing. Well, I did renovate my summer room. I wasn't really even supposed to accomplish anything. I visited Estonia. I collected many CAS hours. I slept a lot and ate excessively much candy and other unhealthy stuff. I drew quite a lot, but none of that is worth publishing. There are many books I would like to read, but I didn't read any for some reason. I guess I thought I didn't have time, but time was all I had. Because I didn't do the schoolwork I was supposed to do. On the other hand, I did watch series that I was supposed to watch. I finished Supernatural season 7 and Game of Thrones season 4 and started season 5. I also watched American Horror Story season 4 with my cousin, the three previous ones I have watched some time ago. And with the same cousin I watched quite many episodes of Friends and Desperate Housewives. I'm guessing it was the 101. time I watched the Friends. Talking about friends, I haven't seen many of mine lately since I've been isolating here at my cottage. Next Monday I have to return to the city... And still talking about friends, I was supposed to party a lot this summer. Duh, I turned eighteen in February... But it seems like my friends aren't either old enough or they have some other obstacles.
That's pretty much all I did this summer. Over two months doing nothing, but I'm still not ready to return to school yet... But that's probably because I'm never ready to go to school. My goal for the next semester is not to quit.

White chocolate cheesecake with
strawberries on top

Midsummer Day. It was raining.

Me taking a photo of my cousin Iida taking a photo of my
shadow taking a photo of her.

More photographs in Art Gallery.

Music and Mood

I'm not in a good mood right now, because I've been struggling with my psychology essay for way too long. Because this post is about music, I will tell what I'm listening while writing this. At this moment, my radio is playing In this moment's Gun Show. If you know the song, great. Anyhow, my psychology essay is about the effects of music on mood and health. I think it's clear without further investigation that music has an effect on mood, about health I don't know. Maybe mental health. I wish I could just write about my own conclusions, like how listening to sad music when you're sad makes you feel better, in a way. And how listening to happy music when you're annoyed only makes you more annoyed. And how listening to heavy metal helps when you're angry or frustrated. Like when you're doing a 4000 word psychology essay. But NO, I have to find some stupid scientific psychological researches and discuss about them. And not being a genius, I don't get a word of that fancy language they use in those researches. I'm in for a splendid grade... I thought this would be an interesting subject, but school and science and psychology are destroying the interest. Besides, I think they only use classical music in those researches. This far I haven't found a single actually interesting experiment.
Enough about school. Some years ago I didn't really even listen to music, except when I randomly listened to the radio. It was probably just before high school when I got "addicted". Maybe it was the only way to survive through the day... Nowadays I can't go a day without music. I listen to it on a bus, in my car however short the drive is, when I'm doing schoolwork, when I draw or write or something else creative, when I work out (rarely), whenever I'm alone. When I'm doing nothing. That's quite a lot. The only bad side is that I don't have a single friend who has a similar taste in music as me. That's why I like driving alone, I can listen to whatever I want without anyone complaining. Oh, and there is actually another bad side in my taste of music: it varies so much I cannot find a radio station or a night club where they would play the kind of music I like. I can't say one genre to be my favorite, I like some songs or some artists from many genres. There was a day when I couldn't even tell which was my favorite artist, but now I have a pretty clear opinion on that. And there's the funny thing: I don't listen to Finnish rap music, except from one artist who is one of my two favorite artists: Cheek. I guess you saw that coming if you're Finnish. Another funny thing: I don't really care about "regular" pop music (despite the few rare exceptions on my playlist...), but the other one of my favorite artists is Adam Lambert (although I would never call him regular, and I believe it's called glamrock). Again, few years back, I just didn't get the "screaming fan girls" going crazy over one musician. Now I get it. I've been there, I've been screaming in places (night clubs...) when I surprisingly hear a song I love. I've been screaming louder than my lungs can handle in Cheek's concerts.
I think music has had a larger impact on my life than I have realized before. I remember one situation where one song made me realize what I really want from this life. When I heard The Script's Hall of Fame for the first time, I decided I was gonna fight my way through high school and go abroad and study film making no matter what it takes. I even painted those lyrics on my guitar, as you can see from my art gallery. By the way, now that I'm writing about music, let it be known to everyone: I do not play any instrument. Not even that guitar. Not even the piano. Not even a little. Some time ago I was aching to learn to play the guitar, but it kind of never happened. I don't have that enthusiasm anymore, I settle for listening.
I said in the beginning that I'm not in a good mood. Well, I am now. Maybe 'cause I got something much more interesting to do than that essay. FYI, the sun is shining outside, one of these rare days during this summer, and I'm sitting inside. Well, I don't care much about sunny weather, anyways. It's enough that I can see the lake sparkling through my curtains.
I'm listening to my Spotify list on shuffle play while writing this post, and of course Spotify decided to play all the exceptions from my list. I do like some pop songs, usually not the most hyped ones, but overall I don't really care about that kind of music, like I said before. I don't classify my taste of music. If someone asked me what type of music I like, I would probably have to list all the songs I like to make them understand. Anyhow, here's the list of songs that played during this post besides Gun Show:

Adam Lambert- Shame
The Script- If you could see me now
Rob Thomas- Lonely no more
Lady Gaga- Born this way
Cheek- Liekeissä
AC/DC- Highway to Hell
Jari Sillanpää- Kultaa (I almost did't put this here... I admit, this song is my guilty pleasure)
In This Moment- The Promise
Years & Years- Shine
Britney Spears- Criminal
The Script- Breakeven
Tove Lo- Talking body
Adam Lambert- The Original High
Adam Lambert- Sleepwalker

Summer Room Makeover

I have had this own little cabin next to our summer cottage for some years now, and all those years it has been a messy, depressing cave I barely liked to sleep in. Pastel colors aren't exactly my thing anymore, but they work well in a summer room. Besides, most of the furniture have been in either mine or my sister's room when we were way younger, back in the Pastel Loving Little Princess- times.

Walls were re-painted along with some unpainted surfaces. We put another window in the room to bring a little more light and a lamp on the ceiling. As I said, most of the furniture is recycled. The white table is adopted from one of my cousins and the bed was brought from the "main" cottage when new ones were bought there. The radio was already there and the small television was brought from my home. The green cubes are from my sister's old room and the chair at the table was brought from the main cottage as well, I just painted it white (it was wooden). The white lamp on the table was already there, and the flower vase used to be a wine bottle, I just ripped off the labels. Carpets are from my old room. Curtains, counterpane and the pillow on the bed are from IKEA (praise Sweden for IKEA), and I have no idea where my mom bought the mirror and the hanging candle thing from. Small budget makeover, anyway.

Before

After

I like it in here. Who cares if the sun is shining outside...