I used to be terrified of the dark. When I was a kid, I shivered under my covers at night. If I was home alone and it was dark, I switched on every single light in the house. Sometimes I even slept with my night light on. Running few meters from the garage to the house was a nightmare if it was dark outside.
I don't remember how old I was when my fear of the dark just vanished. Suddenly I didn't mind being home alone in total darkness. I can easily walk alone on a countryside road at night with no other light but the moon. I can stare under my bed no matter how light or dark it is. I started watching horror movies and they don't even give me nightmares. Right away, though, I have had few horror movie related nightmares few months or even years after watching that particular movie.
Just as suddenly as I stopped being afraid of the dark, few years ago I started loving darkness. Before, I didn't mind being in the dark, now I like being in the dark. And I don't only like the darkness as in the lack of light, but dark stuff overall.
When I was something less than fifteen years old, I liked pretty and soft and sweet stuff. I liked those fake flower hair decorations and white lacy shirts. I collected soft toys and my room was decorated with pastel colors. I loved summer and it was nice to get a tan. I hardly had anything black in my wardrobe, because I really liked colors. My playlists included mostly mainstream pop music. Once I saw a TV-advertisement about tongue piercings or piercings overall, however there was someone with a pierced tongue in it. I remember saying to my mom that it was disgusting and that I could never have my tongue pierced.
It was only in the beginning of high school when my love of colors and light turned into love of darkness and black clothes. I still like soft toys, but I keep them hidden in my closet. Fake flowers in my hair doesn't sound very tempting anymore. I still like lace, but not white. As to my room, you can see from a previous post that my decoration is black-and-white. There's very little other colors than black in my wardrobe. My favorite season has changed, too. Even though I still like summer, I prefer autumn. Not the colorful part, but the rainy and grey part. I used to hate that part. And I would hate to get a tan nowadays. I like being pale. My taste in music, as well, took a dramatic turn: right now while writing this I'm listening to Linkin Park. I like heavy metal, certain type of rock and gloomy music overall, even though my favorite artist doesn't really represent these genres. And about that piercing, I'm going to have my tongue pierced right when I have the chance.
The annoying thing is, everyone I have known my entire life still sees me as that little kid who liked fake flower hair decorations. My mom says that I'll regret when I'm older that I only wore black when I was young. I guess she thinks I'm having a phase or something. I don't think so.
So fear of the dark turned into love of the dark. Even better, I sort of became my worst fear. Darkness used to be the thing that I feared the most, now I am dark myself. Ironic.
