If You Remembered to Live

If You Remembered to Live

What happens to lines drawn on water

Freeze it and they’ll stay

but they would never change

Would it make a difference?

If you want to live that way

Are black holes filled with emptiness

You’d become a part of nothing then?

Time can’t be stopped because time doesn’t exist

Seconds are sounds of moments falling down the drain

Tomorrow is after one night and tomorrow never comes:

Day turns into a night, and that night never turns to dawn

And once they’re gone

those lines on water

never ending emptiness

seconds racing down the drain

and the day fading away

Won’t ask if you remembered to live

Snowy Sunset

It's about -20 Celsius here in Tampere right now, and it's probably getting colder. Just a minute ago the sky was all pink, now it's grey. And there's snow. Lots of it.

Are we looking for the sun?

Do you wake up in the morning and decide to be happy today? Is it going to be a good day if you think it's going to be a good day? Or do you wake up in the morning and know it's going to be an ordinary day, maybe just another shitty 24 hours?
I do the last one. That's one of the major differences between positive and negative people.

Positive outlook is admired. Everyone wants to have friends and partners who see life from a positive point of view. Smile is pretty, smile is good. Be positive: share love, do something good every day, love yourself, be optimistic. Be disappointed time after time and continue smiling. Does that make you happy? Happiness is a way of life? You just need to be happy with what you have? I don't know, but this is how I understood positive outlook works.

How about people with negative outlook? They complain, they are depressed, they are annoying, they don't try enough. They don't see the beauty in the world. They focus on the bad things, they don't want to be happy. So they're not happy. Why do they do that? Negative people don't interest anyone. Negative people are told to get over themselves and force a smile even when they're not happy. Just like positive people do. Because no one likes negativity.

Who decided being positive is the right attitude? Positive people.

I'm neither positive or negative.

So I wake up in the morning and curse in my mind, knowing it's not going to be a good day. Anything could happen in theory, I could bump into my soulmate, I could get the opportunity of my life. But most likely it's going to be the same old. On a daily basis, I'm quite negative. There's nothing wrong with being negative. I don't complain, I don't dwell in misery, but I tend to focus on the bad things. Even though I don't really care when shit happens. Being positive doesn't suit everyone. If you're a naturally negative person, you can't just decide to be positive. It's harder to try to be positive than to let yourself be negative. Why should you force yourself to be happy when you're not? Why is it so admirable when you can smile even through the toughest times? I think it's admirable just to get through tough times, you don't need to smile. You can curse the world and hate everyone and everything if it helps you to cope. Wake up in the morning and decide to keep working no matter how tired and worn out you are, because some day in the future that hard work will pay off. And then the days will be good because they are good and not because you convinced yourself so.

How about the good times then? I don't agree with the statement written on one of my cousin's wall: Happiness is not a destination, it's a way of life. Happiness is not a way of life. Maybe for some people it is. But not all people can't force themselves to be happy. Why should I learn to be happy with what I have? It's great some people can, honestly. But if I can have the things that will actually make me happy then I don't want to learn to be happy with what I have. That's not being negative. That's being ambitious. The things that would really make you happy are called dreams. And when you reach them, you can be happy with what you have. What's the point of having dreams if you're not going after them?

Being positive is good, but not the only option. Being entirely negative is not good. Being positive is just as annoying for non-positive people as being negative is for positive people. I would not be any happier if I tried to be positive. I guess I'm a realist. I don't force happiness into misery or misery into happiness.

So are we all looking for the sun? Do we run after love, get hurt, and keep running again? Do we all look for the happiness where days are nothing but smiling, rainbows and sunshine? No. Some prefer moonlight.

(Inspiration by the song Outlaws of Love by Adam Lambert, the part "Everywhere we go, we're looking for the sun...")

Topics from schizophrenia to tomatoes

I have figured out a way to make school projects a little less horrible. Or well, actually it's the most mainstream method there is: choose an interesting topic. Teachers have kept saying that throughout my entire education, and I have never believed them. I never thought I could actually find an interesting topic for a school project. However, I have managed to turn even the most horrible essays into something rather fun. As fun as an essay can be...

My EE (extended essay=4000 words) topic was music therapy and schizophrenia. I love music, and I guess I like mental disorders as well, on a theoretical level. It was quite a gloomy topic, but it kept me motivated. The conclusion of my essay was that music therapy can help schizophrenics to recover. Music is the remedy for everything.

The biology project I'm working on right now was the project I thought would kill me. Biology is the subject I like the least, but somehow I managed to come up with something biological that even I could be interested in: pollution. The effects of pollution on the occurrence of lichen. Better yet, I made the observations in cemeteries. I observed how much there is lichen on gravestones near or far from the traffic.

My Spanish written assignment was about the tomato festival, La Tomatina. They just throw tomatoes at each other in Valencia. For no reason at all. Waste of good food, but how cool would that be?

English written task: how media lies about the treatment of industrial animals. This topic was more infuriating than interesting because not much new info occurred to me while doing it... People prefer to believe the positive news. Negative ones are ignored, because people just want their burgers.

The topic of my math project was quite boring, I could've come up with something more creative, but I wasn't too motivated. I studied the effects of sleeping and drinking coffee on school grades. Sleeping helps you to get better grades. Obviously. Drinking coffee didn't seem to have such a big effect, but I firmly believe coffee is one of the most important keys to maintaining some kind of mental health in the middle of all these essays.

As a conclusion, I have proven that I am now able to write a full length essay of a mental disorder, deceitful media, sleeping and coffee, lichen on gravestones, or tomatoes. This is exactly the skill I will need in my life. What would I do if I wasn't able to write about a tomato war?

New Year, New Clichés

I don't know which is a bigger cliché nowadays, to promise to start exercising and eating healthier or to not promise anything. Either way, I make the same promise to myself every New Year and every August: now I'll start working out and get that beautiful body I've always wanted. I've never kept that promise. Maybe this year. Who knows.

Of course, I'll have to think what was good about the past year as people usually do.

I worked harder than ever before because of school. I learned to do an 800 word essay in one and half hours. I learned to organize my time effectively, and most of all, I learned to handle stress.

I've read books that I thought I wouldn't like (because of school, though), and I liked them. Mostly.

I've found music that beats everything I've listened to before. It all started from Ghost Town. Well, actually it was Whataya Want from Me few years back. Overall, I realized how important music was for my survival.

I renovated my summer room and found two athletic hobbies that I actually like: running and boxing.

I became a fall-lover. Previously I've been a summer-lover.

The absolute highlights of 2015: I turned eighteen. I had a driving license and a tattoo. It was also the year when I danced the second year prom (Wanhojentanssit).

There's always the bad things, too. The summer weather was what it was. Stupid people. Few mental breakdowns. But in the end, I don't really care. I like rain. I learned to never trust stupid people again. I know I'll survive University after that IB essay-hell. The hell that still continues after Christmas holiday for a while.

It's been a rather good year, now when I think about it.

New Year, not so much new me, but new experiences. I think it's nicer to think what will be different this new year compared to the old year than to make promises. Personally, I will start the very last months in high school. I will have a long vacation to study for the final exams. I will have more time than I've had for a long time. I will (hopefully) graduate from that killer program called IB. Maybe in 2016 I will get my first summer job. I will need to start preparing my graduation party. I will need to start preparing to move abroad. In 2016, I will experience the biggest change in my life so far. Not only a new school, but a new home, new town, new country. Not a very small change, I'd say.

Happy New Year everyone!