Stream of Tired Thoughts

I've been laying in my bed for almost three and half hours, unable to sleep, so this is gonna be a tired post. It's really foggy out there, I look outside and all I can see is white. I saved a bee from a lake today. I even tried to do my math project around 3am. It didn't work out. I hate math. Really, really deeply. I also hate psychology, biology and Spanish, leaving only two of my school subjects unhated: English and Finnish. Oh, and I also hate Theory of Knowledge. I kind of also hate it that whenever I start writing down random thoughts I end up making a list of what I hate. But why stop now? I hate waking up early. I hate it that in the morning I prefer to take the bus to school and in the afternoon I prefer my own car when I'm leaving school. I hate people who drive too slow. I hate people who wear fur and people who say one person going veg doesn't change anything. I hate sunny winter days and sunny summer mornings. I hate romance and especially much I hate romcoms. I hate it when I'm hungry even though I just ate. I hate the "normal" everyday rhythm, my normal natural rhythm is going to bed 3am and waking up 1pm. I hate that my hair doesn't grow and that my natural color is so boring. I hate talking or reading or hearing about healthy lifestyles. I hate shopping mostly because I never find anything I really like. I hate it when people assume all women like babies and little kids. Well I don't. I hate that it's risky to drink too much coffee and that wearing no other shoes than high heels ruins your feet. I hate public swimming pools. I hate it when things are made too complicated. I hate it when people talk deep soft stuff. I hate it when people litter like they don't give a damn about this planet. I hate cooking. I hate all the "love is the meaning of life"- stuff. But you know, just for balance, I'll tell what I love. I love the rain. I love it when I wake up in the morning and it's raining. I love listening to music on a bus. I love writing. I love coffee and chocolate and cheesecake. I love cats and reindeer and spiders and frogs. I love black roses and the countryside where my summer cottage is. I love swimming in a lake. I love that fog out there. I love lying on the grass. I love Midsummer Day. I love cookies. I love my leather jacket (fake leather). I love lunch breaks and coffee breaks. I love staying in bed and listening to others go to work (I'm doing it right now). I love vacations. I love my renovated summer room. I love dancing. I love driving alone because then my radio won't break anyone's ears. I love staying aside not caring a bit when people stress about something meaningless. I hate it that I can't come up with more things I love right now. I'm too tired. I've been lying here for four and half hours now. Two more and I'll get up and go to the "main building" to make coffee. What's the point of sleeping anymore, it's pass 7am... That did not sound like me. Anyhow, my ears are ringing for some reason. There are crows outside. I'm terrible at writing endings. Bye people.

I love school too

I have a small bottle of wine waiting for me to start doing all those essays I was supposed to do during summer (thank you, IB). I will, as soon as my computer starts working. It has started a strike against me. There's like three weeks left of the vacation, and I have done absolutely nothing. Excuse me, IB people, for not being a superhuman. One year left, can I quit now?
Talking about school, my math project is supposed to determine whether sleeping and drinking coffee has an effect on school grades. I don't think so. Coffee gets you through the school day (somewhat), but all my life I have slept six or less hours per night during school weeks, and I'm doing just fine. "Fine" as to the fact that I never do homework or study for exams. I might be half asleep during lessons, but I wouldn't listen and/or understand anyways. At this point I would like to ask myself why the hell am I writing about school during vacation????? Maybe because for us IB-students, THERE ARE NO VACATIONS. This is a good point to start to consider whether I made the right choice after all. After comprehensive school, I was perfectly done with studying and wanted to choose something easy, so I went and applied to IB. They told me it would be hard and all work, but nooo I went anyway.
I'm just gonna take the usual way and start writing those essays few days before school starts.

I'm pretty sure I'll be good to spend few months inside four white walls after finishing high school. If I ever finish. The idea of graduation party is the thing that still keeps me going.

I'm pretty sure I'll start having nightmares of teachers asking me where my essays are real soon.

I'm pretty sure I'm not pretty sure about anything.

Tallinn, Estonia

I took a one-night mini-trip to the land of cheap alcohol, or as some say, Estonia, with my family and few relatives last Sunday. The trip included shopping, eating, selfies and soar feet. I shared a hotel room with my cousin and together we came up with an extremely evil scam: leaving the room all messy, but not messy enough to cause extra costs for us. Mwahaha.

I bought these just for the cuteness. Some tasted good, some not...

They didn't sell black roses :(

The Old Tallinn

Hotel room view. I was much happier than what I look like.

Checking out from Viru hotel.

Cappuccino and tiramisu in the oldest café in The Old Tallinn. Perfection.

I believe I'm about to grab my sunglasses. Just had to buy a new
rose after the first one died.

I seem to be a bit into mini-stuff.

To see some super beautiful photos of Tallinn taken during our trip, visit my cousin Iida-Maria 's blog. (click the name)

Poems

All the poems in this blog (unless otherwise mentioned) came from my very own head. The style of my poems vary according to my mood, and I only write when I get an inspiration. I never just sit down and think now I'll write poems. I also never seek inspiration, it just hits me, and then I'll write. The subjects I write about have changed over time. When I was a kid, I only wrote about  the nature and holidays like Christmas. And few poems about cats. Then I moved into deeper subjects. Now I don't even know how to classify my poems. But that's good. I know there's all kinds of rules how to write poems, but I never follow them. In addition, I hate when people over-analyse texts. You can never know what the writer or poet was thinking. It's funny how sometimes even I don't know what my poems mean. I think every reader interprets poems in their own way and that there is no right way to analyze a poem.

I started writing poems when I was nine years old. In Finnish, obviously. However, there's one English poem I wrote when I was about ten. It's a demonstration of a bad poem and the English skills of a Finnish ten-year-old, but I'll publish it with all the errors just for nostalgia.

Lovely spring

Spring is lovely time,
everything is fine

The best month is May,
and April is OK

Little birds sing,
flover is king of spring

Winner is sun,
spring is very fun

Flower was one of the first words they taught us, and I still had it wrong.

Another Cup of Coffee

I love coffee in its all forms. Black, with milk, Irish, strong or mild. But my favorite is cappuccino. My day does not start without coffee. I know I drink it too much, but nah. If nothing else, at least coffee gets me out of bed.

Another Cup of Coffee

Yes, I care

Just like the world is fair

Just like there's joy in despair

Just like there's honesty in truth or dare

Just pour me another cup of coffee,

I'll get through the day

I'll get things done

I'll be back or I'll be gone

I'll pretend to have fun

I'll lay down or I'll run

I won't smile

But as long as there's coffee in my cup,

I won't cry

Open my eyes

Say what you like

Go ahead darling,

make it black or latte, as long as it's coffee

Let it rain, let it shine

I'll be fine

There's nothing, there's no time

There's an eternal world

Today,

I'll just have another cup of coffee

Tattoo

Had this few months ago, and I'm already planning the next one. The quote is, as I said in the previous post, from the series Supernatural.

"You always have a choice.
You can either roll over and die or you can
keep Fighting no matter what."

The Comeback

Hello. It's been a while since the last post. Many more or less great things have happened, and I decided to finally keep updating my more or less great blog. So, I turned eighteen (yay), got a driver's license and had a tattoo. I have also collected all the CAS points I made this blog for. But anyhow, I will try to publish my creative work more often and much better. I do all sorts or creative stuffs, but only a small part is somewhat publishable. Maybe now that it's vacation I'll have more time and energy to put some effort on making this a readable blog.
As you might notice at some point, my style of writing (and living) is quite sarcastic. I can promise all my posts will be according to that. I love and hate all kind of irony happening in the world around us. I have learned to be amused by the way things go wrong. Right now, it's raining like hell. I'm sitting in a small cabin middle of nowhere, but I kind of like it here. The Finnish summer: only a bit of snow. Well, no snow here in the south.
You know how they say "love is the answer for everything"? No. Cookies are the answer for everything.

My tattoo (-Dean Winchester, Supernatural)