My room is not tidy all the time, but I keep objects in a 90-degree angle on my table. I'm obsessed with correcting people's English pronunciation and spelling mistakes, but I can't pronounce English myself. I know how to pronounce, but my tongue won't co-operate. I don't need to be perfect at school, but if I do something I like, I'm not happy before it's perfect. If I think I can do something better, my mind won't rest before I've done it so well I couldn't do it better. It's quite exhausting sometimes, but at least it makes me do my best. When I care enough, I'm a monstrous perfectionist.
I have a plan for doing schoolwork. It's a timetable where I mark exactly what I'm going to do, how much and when. It's called "The Survival Plan". I love and hate planning things like that. I couldn't live without my Survival Plan because I have so many things to do I'd easily forget some of them. And at least I return my essays on time. On the other hand, I'm quite a spontaneous person. I like doing what I feel like when I feel like. I'd love to go running middle of the night, but apparently you can't do that anymore in this fucked up world. Especially if you're a woman... Outside the subject. Best ideas come when you don't try to come up with something. Therefore I never seek inspiration. I do things when they pop into my head. Too bad that school kind of prevents my spontaneity. I wake up when it's dark and come home when it's dark. Dark is okay, but being tired is not. I can't wait for the Christmas holiday when I have time to live and be spontaneous again.
I lied today to the IB-coordinator. I said school doesn't cause me stress. It does, but I'm quite good at handling it. By that I mean I get things done on time, but I also lie on the floor screaming inside my head (because screaming out loud would startle my cat and disturb my parents). I also eat too much chocolate and stare blankly at the screen of my laptop for hours. But I'm quite good at ignoring stress. It'll probably cost me a cardiovascular disease.
Overall, I'm a disorganized perfectionist who's spontaneously organized and stress-freely stressed.
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